Critique of Friday edition of The Parthenon (9/12)
Front page:
The front page of the Friday edition (Sept. 12) of The Parthenon
is like most covers for the Friday/weekend edition of the paper. A front page
with no articles, but large images covering the entire page with a small “inside”
section at the bottom letting readers get a glimpse of what is in the paper. So,
nothing to edit except the inside section for grammar, etc. That section looked
good to go on that front and a pull quote used certainly grabs the attention of
the readers and almost forces them to turn to that story first. “I could tell by
the look on her face that she was shocked.” It just invites the reader to
figure out why this person was shocked. Another great front page from the
design staff.
First page:
The first story is in regards to the first Amicus Curiae
lecture given by Laura Donohue on privacy in the digital age. A well-written
story with few mistakes. I deleted an unneeded paragraph about Donohue talking
to a full room for an hour. That information could be fit into another
paragraph or in an attribution involving direct quotes from the lecture. The
only other mistake was Google was not capitalized in a quote from Donohue used
in the headline and in the story. The pulp quote headline underneath the main
headline is a good touch and really brings the reader in.
The second story above the fold is about new technology
features from the IT department. This story had a few more grammatical errors.
A few misplaced commas and unnecessary words were the big issues on the
grammatical front. The writer waited to mention the release date of these new
technologies until the last paragraph and it is important information and
should be in the lead or second paragraph. The writer also only interviewed one
source and it would help if another member of the technology department was
interviewed.
The final story on the page is about a walk to honor a graduate
of Marshall who died in the 9/11 attacks. This article should be above the
fold. It is more important and newsworthy over the two stories picked to be above
the fold. The story was also free of grammatical mistakes as far as I can tell.
One problem though is the writer waits to the middle of the story to mention
the person who the walk is in honor of. The first two paragraphs mentions the
walk, but then it goes into what the coordinator of the walk was going through
that day. The walk is the story and who it is in honor of is important and should
be early in the story. The pictures for the story were good quality, but do not
necessarily capture the walk itself.
The headlines on the page were mostly good. The one for the
IT story could use some work.
Third page:
The sports page consisted of two columns and a story on the women’s
soccer game taking place that evening. The first column was about the Marshall
and Ohio rivalry. Another well-written column by James Collier with plenty of
stats and facts. One would need to double check the accuracy of those facts. He
did use “lost” instead of “loss” when referring the worst loss for Marshall in
the rivalry. The column jumps to page to conclude. Collier got quotes from Doc
Holliday and Ohio’s head coach, which looks good getting both sides.
The women’s soccer story could use a rewrite. The story does
not have quotes from anyone on the team. It would help the story to have quotes
from players and/or coaches about the game. The author also incorrectly
mentioned the conference the University of Cincinnati is affiliated with. The
authors says “American Conference” in the story, but its officially the “American
Athletic Conference.” The story should have a quote or two or even a paraphrase
of one.
The final story on the page is another column about fan
attendance at Marshall football games. It was well-written and free of errors.
The headlines are average, but work for the stories. Could
be rewritten, but I do not see exactly what could drastically improve them.
Fourth page:
The fourth page is very simple. Above the fold is an
info-graphic about events for the weekend. Very simple graphic and could use
some imagination and liveliness. It is a good graphic for students to know what
is going on around campus during the weekend. The picture of the bell and of
Lizzie Kish are good cut-out pictures for the graphic.
The story below the fold is a wire story on comic book
movies, so it is free of errors. It is a well-written story, but it does not
have any importance to Marshall. A more relevant story could have been selected
to fill the space.
Fifth page:
The fifth page is the jump page for this issue with two
stories jumping here: Collier’s column and the wire story from page four. There
is a small story on a new night club on the page. The lead could use some rewriting.
It should mention Tyrone Washington opening the new club and where it is
located and how long it has been open. The next paragraph should mention when
it is open and why Washington opened it. Overall, a good story minus an unneeded
sentence at the end of the story, which has already been previously mentioned. The
headline could be written and less simple than a new club opening on 4th
avenue.
The other story on the page is an AP story. So, of course it
was well-written and sufficient in its information.
Sixth page:
Overall, this issue was good with not many big errors. A few
rewrites in a couple of stories, but nothing major.
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